Personal Power or Domination?

"What is power anyway?" asks Janet Gonzalez-Mena, in Behavior: A Beginnings Workshop Book. "I asked my college students in a number of classes to describe themselves in a situation where they felt powerful. That little informal research project helped me see that many people equate power with control or domination. I would like to suggest that dominating power—that is, when we overpower and control people—is not really power; it is oppression in my book…For me the true meaning of the word relates to what some call personal power…'the ability to be who you really are.'"

The author shares a personal story about avoiding domination. "I always regarded time-out as a good way to help children who were out of control gather themselves…I was surprised to hear a Native-American director speak out in a workshop discussion about how her program has banned the use of time-out because it’s much too punishing. Her goal is to help children see themselves as part of the group rather than as individuals. Time out—being separated from the group—is the ultimate punishment and much too strong.

So, if I were a director and a parent came to me to complain about time-out, I would need to be careful to avoid using domination to convince her I was right…We would need to talk about our different views in order to figure out what to do about them. Communication is key and we get there not by dominating but by tapping into our personal power."

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