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Talking with Children about Violence
December 12, 2023
To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes.
-Pema Chödrön, American Buddhist Philosopher
-Pema Chödrön, American Buddhist Philosopher
Whether it’s political or personal, we continue to witness the many ways children are harmed by violence, directly or indirectly. Often, children pick up on adult media, conversations and anxiety about violence. When children share their thoughts or fears, verbally or otherwise, our response matters. Being prepared for those conversations will help children learn that trusted adults are there to help them navigate the biggest feelings and challenges in their lives.
To help you feel ready for these conversations, our Exchange team is pleased to offer a new Coffee Break Reflections on the topic, based on the Exchange Reflections article and discussion guide, "Talking with Children about Violence." Take a few moments to explore the power of the simple question, "Can you tell me what you heard?" This invites children to verbalize frightening ideas or information and gives adults the chance to correct or contextualize what children have heard.
Available on the Exchange Hub, each Coffee Break Reflections is designed to help integrate reflective practice into our busy lives by offering a short excerpt from an article and one question to reflect on.
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Comments (2)
Displaying All 2 CommentsEugene, OR, United States
Wow, thank you for sharing these key moments and the insights you were willing to gain from them. It's a delicate balance and it seems you've found it through your willingness to listen, observe and reflect.
Bellingham, WA, United States
Thank you for this. One thing I think we need to keep in mind is that children are very aware of these things and often have questions or worries. When we try to hide it from them that can create more worry, but it's also important not to assume. When my children were little I often had NPR on. Sometimes I'd start to think about something and tune out the radio only to realize that a story was something that they didn't need to hear. At first, I start explaining it until I realized that they hadn't even heard and I was the one opening the door. I came up with a similar phrase although my kids are old enough that I've forgotten it.
I also think we can think of them knowing these things as a way to build resilience. My daughter watched part of the story of Anne Frank when it was on TV years ago. She was around 8. I caught it a little way in and went to turn it off. She protested and after some discussion I made the decision to let her watch it. That summer she wanted to learn more about World War II for our summer project. I soon found it too depressing so looked for stories about people who helped or fought back. That fall was when 9/11 happened and when she asked why people did those things, I referred back to our discussions about WW2. I told that there are people who will hurt others in the world and I didn't really understand why, but that there were many more good ones just like in WW2. That her dad and I worked to make the world a better place for her and she could too. We talked about the people who were helping.
I think the fact that she knew bad things happen in the world, but that she and others could choose to do good helped to empower her so she wasn't scarred by it. I think sometimes we don't trust kids to be able to handle tough things, but they can and do. And when we wrap it in a message of enpowerment and resilience along with keeping our answers developmentally appropriate, we build strength and an ability to accept life challenges.
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